Thomas:  Where the fuck is this place man?  The Pulp.  I haven’t even heard of it before.  Supposedly these Kill the DJ nights are off the hook. 

Jason:  Just around the corner…I think.

Thomas:  They say it’s like The Hacienda.  Actually, Laurent Garnier told me that the other week.

Jason:  I know.  You told me already five times.Thomas:  Bollocks.  Maybe like The Hacienda on like, a Monday.Jason:  Well, we’ll see…

Thomas:  C’mon man, we can’t miss this set.  You know the other guys will be raggin on us like forever if we miss it.

Jason:  Bro, calm yourself.

Thomas:  Remember when everyone went to that last Circuit Party gig and we missed it?  We never heard the end of it.

Jason:  Guy, we didn’t go because Circuit Party’s are pretty much homosexual raves.

Thomas:  Yeah, but don’t you remember how bad we were excluded after that.  It took like two months to catch up.  Don’t tell anyone, but I went out to a couple of Le Male nights to make sure I knew what it was all about.

Jason:  This isn’t the same man.  Everyone goes here just to have a good time.

Thomas:  Yeah, right.  Oh, I hope no one told Stephano about this place.  Man, it would burn him so bad if he missed it, like he’d become a total outcast.  Serves him right.

Jason:  Stephano was here last time Optimo spun.

Thomas:  Oh God.

Jason:  Don’t worry man.  I hear they play stuff like…“Love With Me,” you know, that Ian Dury song, and then go straight into something like, I dunno, house music.

Thomas:  What the fuck?  House?  That’s sooo 1997.

Jason:  No man, you don’t get it.  These guys play what feels good.  They don’t even really tamper with the songs.  It’s all about hearing the music that you want to hear.  Dancing to the music that you really want to dance to.

Thomas:  Hmm.  I haven’t stepped to much Superpitcher lately.

Jason:  OK.  I think this is it.

Thomas:  Is that the fucking Cramps I hear blasting inside there?

Jason:  It sure is.

Thomas:  Soft Cell?  What the hell’s going on?  This is weird for me.

Jason:  Just keep with it man, let’s go in and have a good time.

Thomas:  I haven’t heard some of these songs for like, a million years.  But now he’s playing Quarks.  This is fucked.

Jason:  In a good way.

Thomas:  Fucking right.

[seven hours later]

Thomas:  Ahahaha.  Did you hear that school choir version of “Good Vibrations?!”

Jason:  Fucking Gang of fucking Four!!!!

Thomas:  The Rapture are actually pretty sweet.  I held off for a long time cause, well, you know…

Jason:  “Out of the races and on-to-the-tracks!!!!”  Yeah!

Thomas:  I want to marry those boys!  Take me right now.  DJ genius.  Both of them.  At the same time.

Jason:  “I waaaalk.  You leeead.”  Yeah!

Thomas:  The puff played Suicide too.  Carl Craig.  This was the best night ever.  We can’t tell anyone!

Jason:  They all already know bro.

Thomas:  Ahhh, fuck it.

 - Andrew Iliadis

/october 2005/